I got tired of being the ‘fat friend’ 

October, last week, today …

I’m fresh from a trip to the doctor — actually a nurse practitioner I like very much — where, in addition to blood tests and a flu shot, I had my latest official weigh-in. I’m sticking to my diet, but as I near my goal the pounds aren’t falling off as quickly. Still, I’ve lost 64 pounds, which is a success in my book.

Over on Instagram, where you can find me under makeup_plus_50, several people have asked for an update on my weight-loss strategy, so here it is in Q & A form:

Q. How much weight have you lost and how long has it taken?

A. As I mentioned above, I’ve lost 64 pounds. I started my journey in late January/early February and have been pretty committed.

Q. What prompted your lifestyle change?

A. I half-joke that I got tired of being the “fat friend,” but in reality I wasn’t feeling good about what I was seeing in the mirror. Plus, as I aged, the extra weight was starting to make me feel tired and run down.

Q. What, exactly, do you eat in a day?

A. For breakfast, I have a fruit smoothie or cereal with low-fat milk — often Raisin Bran, which is my favorite. Lunch is usually a fruit plate with cottage cheese or a salad. For dinner, I have a chicken breast, salmon or five-ounce steak with a vegetable. I love ice cream, but have replaced it with a nightly bowl of sherbet. The menu isn’t exciting, but it’s the choice I’ve made to control my weight and live a healthier lifestyle.

Q. Do you exercise?

A. Yes, at least five days per week. I usually walk four to five miles on the treadmill or cycle 10 miles on a stationary bike. I also take tap-dancing classes for fun. The exercise element is what helps me continue to lose weight.

Q. How much more do you plan to lose?

A. About 25 pounds. But the key thing to remember is that I can never go back to my old way of eating and my old behaviors.  I’m going to have to exercise and watch my calorie intake for the rest of my life. My body wants to be heavier; I can’t give it the opportunity to go there.

Q. Is your husband thrilled?

A. I think he’s more happy that I’m healthy than he is about the change in my figure, if that makes sense. He doesn’t really comment on the weight loss often, other than to say he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful no matter what my weight.

Q. What has been the best thing about losing weight?

A. Cuter clothes, of course. And better skin. I’ve always had good skin, but it’s clearer and brighter. I thought it might sag — a lot of people get loose skin when they lose weight — but I’ve been lucky and that didn’t happen. Increased energy, stamina and flexibility have been pluses too.

Q. How will you handle the holidays?

A. Fortunately, I’m not one to gorge at the holiday table. Call it sacrilege but I don’t like Thanksgiving food. Turkey is just OK, but I never eat stuffing/dressing (wet bread –yuck), cranberry sauce is a no and I don’t care for pumpkin pie. Green bean casserole? I’m pretty sure that has damp bread in it too.  I’ll eat some turkey, a bit of mac and cheese, and a little of this and that. It’s all about portion control!

Q. What’s my advice for people who want to lose weight?

A. At this point, it might be better to wait until after the holidays. Early success is motivating and important. Also, remember that weight loss is a marathon and not a sprint. And don’t start until you’re really ready and motivated. I’ve started and failed a zillion diets because I wasn’t in the zone –and there’s nothing worse for your mind and body than yo-yo dieting. Finally, know that if I can lose weight, anyone can lose weight. Just make up your mind to do it. You can and you will.

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Weight loss: Dirty little secrets

Current status: 15 or 20 pounds to go

Losing weight — and by losing weight, I mean changing your lifestyle — isn’t easy. But when you finally get into the groove, start eating right and make exercise a habit, the rewards are worth the effort. Trust me, I know.

After years of losing a little and gaining more back, I got tired of being embarrassed about my body, of being the fat friend, of being the non-MILF, of being the one with “the pretty face but …”

I decided early this year that I was going to do it: I was going to lose weight, once and for all. I told a friend in February that I was going to drop 50 pounds by November. The response? “There’s no way you can do that.” Well, I did that friend one (or 10) better. I’ve lost 60 pounds and intend to reach my goal of losing another 15 or 20 by the end of November.

My journey isn’t over. In fact, it will never be over. But here are five kind of good, kind of bad, kind of odd things I’ve learned:

  1. A new wardrobe is not as fun as you think it will be because it’s so expensive, even if you shop for bargains. Just ask my thrifty husband. (Confession: He is kind of right. I overspend.)
  2. Even rings need to be resized. A very nice one fell off my finger the other day. Fortunately, it slid into my purse and I later found it. On the good side, I have a lot of necklaces on short chains that no longer look like chokers.
  3. Shapewear no longer shapes. I like shapewear because it smooths me out under my clothing. And even though there’s less of me to suck in, I still like to suck it in a little more. I have already purchased all-new panties, but I need new camisoles, bras, waist shapers … Sigh. Those things are expensive and no one even sees them under my clothing.
  4. My balance is improved and I feel much more comfortable in my body, except for one spot: my tailbone. I still have plenty of junk in the trunk — it’s just the way I’m built — but for some reason, my tailbone hurts like heck in airplane and movie-theater seats.
  5. Some people will cheer you on, but some surprising others will not. Gore Vidal once said, “Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.” When it comes to weight loss and improvements to your physical appearance, people get weird. It manifests itself in small and sometimes passive-aggressive ways: They won’t “like” your new, thinner Facebook photo. They’ll say, “Have you lost weight? I hadn’t noticed.” They’ll invite you to their homes for dinner and serve absolutely nothing you can eat, even though they know you’re being cautious. In fact, they’ll go out of their way to put the most calorie-laden foods possible on the table.

The bottom line is that despite the cost, the irritation and the effort, losing weight and becoming more healthy is something you do for yourself and yourself alone. I’d rather have five “thinner me” outfits than 50 of my old size. Ring sizing can wait. Damn my tailbone, I’ll sit on a pillow. And as for friends who aren’t completely supportive of the smaller me? They’ll get used to it. Or not.

The (s)ex files: weight loss and body image


As almost anyone who’s overweight will tell you, feeling fat often puts the brakes on sex. It’s a body image thing: You don’t feel sexy and that affects your behavior in the bedroom (or the kitchen, or the shower, or …. let your imagination run wild). Oh, sure, there are some super-confident women who embrace their curves and feel sexy at any size, but for most of us it’s an issue.

As some readers of my blog already know, I embarked on a lifestyle change in February. Through a combination of healthy eating and exercise, I’ve been able to lose 48 pounds and want to lose about 30 more. I realize that’s a lot of weight, but in the scheme of things it’s not an incredible amount: I read stories almost every day about women who’ve lost two or three times as much.

Still, the nearly 50 pounds I’ve lost has had positive effects, both physically and mentally. Physically, I’m more comfortable than I’ve been in years. Why? Because in the past, I’ve lost weight with diet alone. This time, I added exercise to the effort. I walk three to five miles on a treadmill five days per week. Last night, I set the speed at 3.5 miles per hour and put in four miles. Now that might not impress some people, but consider that I was a non-exerciser. At first, 1.5 miles at two miles per hour was an effort. Now that seems like a cakewalk.

There’s another element to my exercise routine: Two nights per week, I take an adult dance class. On Tuesdays, it’s a ballet barre/stretch class. On Wednesdays, it’s tap — sometimes one class, sometimes two. I took 17 years of ballet and tap when I was young and love to dance, so the classes are a treat. Ballet and stretching elongate the muscles, while tap strengthens my leg muscles and my mind, the latter because of the long and intricate combinations of steps we learn on the spot.

The weight loss, dance classes and treadmill hours have transformed my body. I’m fortunate –some people who lose weight, particularly at my age — replace their concerns about fat with concerns about loose skin. I don’t have that issue; my skin has reacted well and seems to have retained much of its elasticity. Of course, I’m keeping it moisturized with bath and post-bath products that help.

Though my weight loss journey isn’t over, I feel stronger, more flexible and more sinuous. I move more easily. My body is less cumbersome, less clumsy. It’s easier to bend, flex, contort. And when I run my hands down my body, there’s a new sleekness.

That leads me to the sex part: I feel good. My body feels good. My skin — rid of sugar, preservatives and other toxins — is soft, smooth and glowing. I can feel my ribs, my pelvic bones, the muscles beneath my skin. I’m a breast cancer survivor who had double mastectomies with reconstructive surgery. When I gained weight, my stomach got bigger but my breasts didn’t. It gave me an odd, pregnant-looking profile. Frankly, my breasts look great with my flat stomach (thank you, Dr. Alfredo Villarreal Rios).

All of these things combine to make me more aware of my body, in a positive way. The new physical me has affected the mental me. Result: I feel sexy. I’m good with the way I look naked, and that’s something I haven’t experienced in years. A heightened sense of my own desirability and confidence in my sexuality are welcome side effects of weight loss I didn’t anticipate. I’m not saying that every woman who’s overweight should lose pounds to feel sexual — as I said, heavier women who feel hot can be incredibly sexy. But for me, losing the equivalent of two toddlers has done wonders for my sexual confidence and desire.